Chapter 1 Waking Up

Xu Jinyu opened her eyes.

Her eyes felt dry and weak, and her vision was a bit blurry.

Xu Jinyu quickly realized that something was wrong.

This was not the low, dimly lit, cramped room she was used to.

The room was not large, but the furnishings were exquisite. Through the light pink curtains, she could see a small dressing table with a smooth bronze mirror, and on the table lay a bracelet encrusted with rubies and gold, emitting a sparkling light in the dim, soft candlelight.

It was clearly an unfamiliar place, yet it felt strangely familiar. It was as if in a distant, long-forgotten memory, she had once lived in this room...

Where was this?

She was lying in bed, terminally ill and waiting to die, so why had she suddenly ended up here?

Unable to contain her shock, Xu Jinyu sat up abruptly from the bed.

"Miss, why did you suddenly wake up?" The maid sleeping on the floor beside the bed was startled awake, rubbing her sleepy eyes as she stood up.

This maid, about fourteen or fifteen years old, had bright, lively almond-shaped eyes and a few small freckles on her nose, adding a touch of playfulness.

It was Chunxia!

She had grown up with Xu Jinyu since childhood, accompanying her to the capital, never leaving her side.

But Chunxia had clearly died ten years ago, her face disfigured in a devastating fire. Xu Jinyu had fled in panic and hadn't even been able to bury Chunxia...

Xu Jinyu couldn't help but reach out and touch Chunxia's cheek.

The skin beneath her fingers was smooth and warm.

And her own hand, fair and delicate, with slender fingers and carefully manicured nails with a hint of pale pink.

The endless embroidery had completely damaged her eyes. Since two years ago, she had never touched a needle for embroidery again. The hands she had once carefully maintained had become rough and unsightly from labor, with frostbite and cracks. But the hand before her was as delicate and beautiful as it had been in her youth.

Chunxia was taken aback and asked in confusion, "Miss... why are you suddenly touching this servant's face?"

Her voice was as clear and cheerful as Xu Jinyu remembered.

Xu Jinyu's lips trembled slightly, her expression a mix of sorrow and joy, tears quickly streaming down her face.

Startled, Chunxia hurriedly wiped away her tears. "Miss, why are you crying? Did you have a nightmare? I'll go tell the madam..."

Madam?

Xu Jinyu's heart trembled, and she urgently asked through her tear-filled eyes, "Has Mother also come back to life? And my elder brother, is he also alive?"

Chunxia found it amusing. "What do you mean, come back to life? That's not a good thing to say. You mustn't let the madam and young master hear that. Otherwise, they'll surely scold you for talking nonsense."

So, it seemed that Mother and Elder Brother had indeed come back to life...

Overwhelmed with immense joy, Xu Jinyu wanted to laugh but couldn't, tears flowing like a fountain.

Her naivety, foolishness, and weakness had not only harmed herself but also brought calamity upon her elder brother. Xu Zhen, who was in the prime of his life and possessed extraordinary talent, had met a tragic end due to a misstep. Upon hearing the tragic news, her mother, Lady Zou, had used a white silk cloth to end her own life that very night. She had left Xu Jinyu alone in the world, tormented by regret for several years.

She had thought of seeking death countless times. But the thought of sacrificing herself for Chunxia, the premature death of her brother and mother, quickly dispelled the idea.

No matter how difficult it was, she had to live on with strength. She wanted to witness the people who had hurt and betrayed her meet a bad end. She had ruthlessly used scissors to scar her right face, destroying her most precious beauty, and had damaged her throat with medicine, hiding herself in the embroidery workshop under an assumed name. She had hidden for eight years. Finally, she had waited for the opportunity for revenge.

After her enemies had all died, her eyes had been completely damaged from the constant embroidery, almost leaving her half-blind. In the following two years, she had lived alone in the dark, cramped room, suffering from a serious illness, aging rapidly, and eventually lying in bed waiting for her last breath.

She had never expected that when she opened her eyes again, the people she cared about the most were all alive and well.

"Chunxia," Xu Jinyu choked up, her words incoherent. "Where is Mother? I want to go see them, right now."

Seeing Xu Jinyu pay no heed to her words, Chunxia quickly pulled her sleeve. "Miss, it's already midnight. Your clothes are disheveled, and you're not even wearing shoes. What if you're seen by the people on the ship? Besides the Xu family, there are also the boatmen..."

On the ship?

Xu Jinyu paused. Distant memories suddenly flooded her mind.

When she was fourteen, she had traveled with her mother and elder brother to the capital to seek refuge with her aunt, the Lady of Weinan Marquis. The journey from Lin'an to Bianliang was long, first by carriage for several days, and then by boat for half a month.

No wonder she had felt both unfamiliar and familiar upon waking up. It turned out that she had been reborn back to that year.

Xu Jinyu's heart raced. If she could persuade her mother to change her mind and stay away from the Weinan Marquis's residence after arriving in Bianliang, could she avoid the nightmares of her previous life?

In Chunxia's bewildered gaze, Xu Jinyu quickly pushed open the door.

The official ship had three levels. The bottom level housed the boatmen, the second level housed the servants and maids, and Lady Zou lived with her two children on the third level of the ship. Xu Jinyu lived in the middle, with Lady Zou in the cabin on the left and Xu Zhen in the cabin on the right.

Xu Jinyu urgently knocked on the doors.

In the silent night, the sudden knocking woke the sleeping Lady Zou and Xu Zhen almost simultaneously.

"Jinniang!" Lady Zou, who hastily got up, was both surprised and anxious. "Why are you only wearing a middle garment and haven't even put on your shoes before running out?"

Her elder brother, Xu Zheng, also walked over quickly.

The loved ones who had always lived in her mind were now standing vividly before her eyes. If this was a dream, it must be the most beautiful dream in the world.

She wished to forever indulge in this dream and never wake up.

Xu Jinyu suddenly threw herself into Lady Zou's arms, holding onto her tightly with all her strength. Her whole body trembled incessantly, and tears poured down like rain. "Mother, mother..."

Lady Zou was startled by her daughter's sudden action and instinctively hugged Xu Jinyu tightly. "Jinniang, don't be afraid, mother is here!"

Xu Zheng's concerned voice sounded, "Could it be that sister had a nightmare?"

While gently patting Xu Jinyu's back, Lady Zou frowned and said, "Jinniang has always been gentle, obedient, and well-behaved. Suddenly running out like this in the middle of the night must be a nightmare. You go back to sleep first. I'll accompany her to sleep tonight."

"Sister looks like this, I can't rest assured. Even if I go back, I won't be able to sleep. Let's stay with her together! We can ask her what happened once she calms down." Xu Zheng's clear and clean voice was particularly reassuring to hear.

...

Xu Jinyu didn't know how long she had been crying.

The accumulated pain and bitterness of more than ten years poured out with the tears, and her agitated and joyful emotions finally calmed down slightly.

She had already returned to her cabin and sat on the bed. Her long hair was slightly disheveled, falling over her shoulders and chest. Her fair little face was covered in tear stains, her eyes were swollen, and her throat was hoarse from crying.

Lady Zou tenderly wiped away her tears with a handkerchief. "You, this girl, were fine yesterday, how did you become like this in the middle of the night? Look at your swollen eyes. The ship will arrive at the dock tomorrow, and we'll be able to reach the Marquis of Weinin's residence before dark. It's not appropriate to meet your aunt in this state. What kind of nightmare did you have?"

Xu Zheng, who had silently accompanied her for a long time, also inquired with concern.

If her mother and brother knew what would happen after they went to the Marquis of Weinin's residence, would they still insist on going there?

The words were on the tip of her tongue, but Xu Jinyu swallowed them back.

After experiencing hardships and difficulties, she passed away at the age of thirty, only to wake up at the prime of her life, on a ship heading to the capital... This incredible situation, even she felt like she was in a dream. How could Lady Zou and Xu Zheng possibly believe it?

This secret could only be forever hidden in her heart. Even her dear mother and brother, she would never mention it to them.

Since she couldn't reveal the truth and wanted to dispel their thoughts, she could only think of another way...

Xu Jinyu composed herself and said softly, "I did have a nightmare. I dreamt that after we arrived at the Marquis of Weinin's residence, we were constantly looked down upon. My aunt often had disputes with the people in the residence to protect us. Mother, let's not go to the Marquis of Weinin's residence. Let's stay at our maternal family's house for a few days."

Lady Zou smiled reassuringly, "It's just a nightmare, don't take it to heart. When we arrive at the Marquis's residence, we'll be cautious and careful, not being arrogant and annoying anyone, and not causing trouble for your aunt."

"Your maternal grandparents have passed away, and your uncle's family is in Shandong. Now, there's only an empty house left in the capital. It will take some time and effort to settle down. In a little over half a year, it will be the autumn imperial examination, and your elder brother needs to focus on studying. We can't afford any delays. Besides, I already sent a letter to your aunt earlier, and she has already arranged a place for us. If we go back on our promise, wouldn't it be disrespectful to your aunt?" Lady Zou's words were logical and firm, showing that she was not easily swayed.

Xu Jinyu's heart sank.

Of course, Lady Zou loved her. But in Lady Zou's heart, Xu Zheng always came first. Xu Zheng's future and prospects were even more important.

Xu Jinyu didn't want to give up easily and continued to persuade, "Staying at someone else's residence will be inconvenient. Big brother won't be able to focus on studying at the Marquis's residence..."

"Participating in the imperial examination is not just about studying behind closed doors," Xu Zheng interjected. "We also need to write more essays to seek guidance from renowned scholars, and communicate with other examinees of the same year. If we can find out who the chief examiner of the imperial examination is and cater to his preferences, we will have a better chance of achieving a good ranking."

Seeking refuge at the Marquis of Weinin's residence would not only provide accommodation but also help them quickly integrate into the capital.

Looking at her determined elder brother, Xu Jinyu was speechless.

Xu Zheng's thoughts were not wrong. When they stayed at the Marquis's residence in the past, it had indeed been beneficial for Xu Zheng's studies and imperial examinations. As a result, Xu Zheng had excelled in the autumn imperial examination and gained fame in the capital in the following spring imperial examination. However, they would also be deeply mired in a quagmire...

"Mother knows that you don't want to stay at someone else's residence," Lady Zou's voice softened, and she looked at Xu Jinyu with affection. "But for your elder brother's sake, you should endure it for now. We'll move out after staying for a year at most."

A year's time would be just enough for Xu Zheng to complete the autumn and spring imperial examinations.

Xu Zheng looked at Xu Jinyu. "It's still one or two hours before dawn. Have a good rest and stop overthinking. With big brother here, no one will dare to bully you."

The last sentence was firm and resolute.

Xu Jinyu felt a pang in her heart.

After her husband passed away three years ago, Lady Zou had placed all her hopes and thoughts on her son. Xu Zheng, who was young and talented, had passed the childhood imperial examination at the age of twelve and was now participating in the autumn imperial examination in the capital. In order to focus on his studies, Lady Zou had brought her two children to the capital early to seek refuge with her younger sister, Lady Xiao.

Lady Zou's words were reasonable and well-founded, and her attitude was very firm, indicating that she would not easily change her mind.

Xu Jinyu's heart sank even further.

Of course, Lady Zou loved her. But in Lady Zou's heart, Xu Zheng always came first. Xu Zheng's future and prospects were even more important.

Xu Jinyu didn't want to give up easily and continued to persuade, "Staying at someone else's residence will be inconvenient. Big brother won't be able to focus on studying at the Marquis's residence..."

"Participating in the imperial examination is not just about studying behind closed doors," Xu Zheng interjected. "We also need to write more essays to seek guidance from renowned scholars, and communicate with other examinees of the same year. If we can find out who the chief examiner of the imperial examination is and cater to his preferences, we will have a better chance of achieving a good ranking."

Seeking refuge at the Marquis of Weinin's residence would not only provide accommodation but also help them quickly integrate into the capital.

Looking at her determined elder brother, Xu Jinyu was speechless.

Xu Zheng's thoughts were not wrong. When they stayed at the Marquis's residence in the past, it had indeed been beneficial for Xu Zheng's studies and imperial examinations. As a result, Xu Zheng had excelled in the autumn imperial examination and gained fame in the capital in the following spring imperial examination. However, they would also be deeply mired in a quagmire...

"Mother knows that you don't want to stay at someone else's residence," Lady Zou's voice softened, and she looked at Xu Jinyu with affection. "But for your elder brother's sake, you should endure it for now. We'll move out after staying for a year at most."

A year's time would be just enough for Xu Zheng to complete the autumn and spring imperial examinations.

Xu Zheng looked at Xu Jinyu. "It's still one or two hours before dawn. Have a good rest and stop overthinking. With big brother here, no one will dare to bully you."

The last sentence was firm and resolute.

Xu Jinyu felt a pang in her heart.

After her husband passed away three years ago, Lady Zou had placed all her hopes and thoughts on her son. Xu Zheng, who was young and talented, had passed the childhood imperial examination at the age of twelve and was now participating in the autumn imperial examination in the capital. In order to focus on his studies, Lady Zou had brought her two children to the capital early to seek refuge with her younger sister, Lady Xiao.

Xu Zheng had taken on the responsibility of the head of the family at a young age after their father's death. He was eager to excel in the imperial examinations and make a name for himself, in order to provide Lady Zou and Xu Jinyu with a better life.

How could she bear to hinder him?

After Lady Zou and Xu Zheng left, Xu Jinyu sat alone for a long time, her eyes gradually becoming determined.

When she woke up, she was already on the ship, unable to avoid the trip to the capital. She had to face the nightmares she had experienced in her past life. If this was fate's arrangement, she had no reason to fear it!